Our Requests for Accountability
Many of us putting together this statement anticipate that we will never receive the accountability we deserve from Jay. That is why we decided that the most important reason for publishing this statement was to inform the community that we all share so that they can make an informed decision about whether or not to share space or have a relationship with Jay. Please note that our suggestions below are mere suggestions, not demands. We do not admit to being perfect or having all the right answers or ideas.
Now that you’ve read this statement, what can you do?
- Share our statement with people who you believe should be made aware that this process is happening and how they can respond. We are hoping to get this message to the communities they most likely engage with, which is the Human and Social Sciences programs at Concordia university, the Montreal queer (poly) community, the Montreal anarchist community, and recovery communities.
- If you are someone who has a relationship with Jay, you can engage with them about their patterns of behaviour. We think that is a better route than just distancing yourself from the individual or ending the relationship.
- We strongly believe that without accountability or even attempted discourse, both Jay and Clementine (since they are known to fish dates for one another) should be temporary banned from future play parties, BDSM events and cruising/dating events, particularly those in the queer and trans community. If you organize these types of events, you could publish a statement of support.
- Without accountability, we strongly believe that Jay should not be given platforms of power and control such as organizing, leading or profiting from events where they discuss or teach about polyamory and relationships (and since Clementine vigorously defends them, we don’t really think that they should, either). If you currently support their projects, you could unfollow and/or unsubscribe and post a statement in support of us.
Please do not:
- Contact Jay or Clementine if you do not know them. Do not harass them online or in person (this includes but is not limited to: sending them bullying, threatening, or mean spirited messages online or in person).
If you are Jay or Clementine reading this:
Jay, you have often asked us, “what does accountability even mean?” If after reading this statement you are still unsure what you can do, here are some ideas:
- Seek out sex/relationship addiction therapy
- Stop dating and propositioning new people until you’ve worked on and improved on your behaviours
- Stop sleeping with new young people/ queers / people of colour for the time being
- Remove your dating site profiles until you’ve worked on your behaviour
- Tell your new partners about your history of dating and sex issues, disclosing accountability processes from the past
- Practice more transparency with regards to disclosing how many people you are sleeping with and dating
- Educate yourself regarding respecting trans people day-to-day, in practice; accepting their genderqueerness doesn’t mean you know and see it all.
- Offer a sincere apology that states what you are sorry for and how you will be working to change your patterns of behaviour
- Please do not contact us or approach any of us directly. If your network would like to reach out to us to have a dialogue, we will consider it as long as it is in good faith. We repeat, do not contact any of those who you believe to be involved directly.
***If anyone would like to get in contact with us, you can contact us at: [email protected].